Wednesday, December 29, 2010

One Little Word

For 2011 I want to focus on 'Contentment'.  I spend too much time wanting what I don't have or wishing things were different.  I need to be in the moment and appreciate what I have.

I will stop looking back with regret....or looking forward with fear.....and give the best I have today!

I need to review this frequently.

Monday, December 27, 2010


I just typed all this stuff out and ended up deleting the entire thing accidentally!!!!  CRAP!!  Don't know if I want to recreate that or not.

Let's surfice it to say, I was in a funk for the last 2 days and need a Christmas attitude adjustment!  I won't go into all the stuff I said but the gest is I'm tired of trying to find the perfect gift for people when they don't seem to be that concerned about it in return.  I think I should just tell people I'm not buying gifts because I'm trying to get back to the real meaning of Christmas!  And I hate feeling this way because I always appreciate the fact that people give me something and don't expect a gift........

What I really wanted to post (ramble) about today was why I sabatoge myself when I have an event or something special I want to lose weight for.  For instance, my 30 year reunion was in October and I wanted to look great but what do I do instead is eat everything in site.  Is it the stress or the goal?  Is it the stress of feeling like I will fail?  We have a trip to the Dominican Republic in February where I will want to don a swimsuit.  I should have been working on this since I found out in October but NOOOOOO I'm eating everything in site.  I'm running and exercising but not watching what I eat.  And in my funk the last couple days, I could feel it coming on - the lack of ability to get serious about my goal.  Why do I have a goal?  Because I know when it gets here I will feel like crap because I will look like crap!!!

So this morning I really didn't want to go down on the treadmill and run so I told myself, just go down there and walk, don't run.  Well, by the time I got down there I ran.....2 miles.  So I was in the mood and did Jillian Michaels 30 day Shred.  So just getting going, was the key.  Today I plan on eating NO sugar because I have OD's on sugar the last couple days and need to break that cycle!  And I will start writing everything down that I eat too.

Breakfast after workout:
Arnold Bagel Thin with one egg (fried) and 2% piece of cheese.  Approx 200 calories.

Now it's off to walk downtown to the post office and bank.  Need to mail my Thank You notes.  There is a new book out they talked about on NPR regarding Thank You notes. 

Purses I made for people in my family.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Bootie Challenge Update

Posted my points for last week today. Here's the run down:
20th - 4 points
21st - 0 points
22nd - 3 points
23rd - 4 points
24th - 0 points
25th - 4 points
26th - 0 points

A few days there I was exhausted or the dog was sick and kept me up all nite and I just couldn't make myself get up.  But I was looking and I definitely didn't have the lowest points but I FOR SURE won't have the most!!  There's people with 60+ points the first week!!

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Fa La La La Laaaa

It's been about 5 years since I actually decorated the house for Christmas.  This had everything to do with my going back to working in a store.  I had been a district manager in clothing retail for several years and this meant weekends and nites off so I was in a better frame of mind to take the time to decorate.  Dealing with the day to day and customers wore me out so by the time I was home I just wanted to rejuvenate which meant doing 'fun' things like reading, knitting, watching TV etc and it didn't include taking the time to decorate.  I have a lot of decorations from the past and have gone all out before but haven't felt like if for quite awhile. was different.  For one thing, we cleaned out the last storage space from the move and all our decoration boxes were in there so they were out and accessible. 
I have to admit, it was fun putting it all together.  Here's the results.
Not sure why this photo is so yellow!

A little more detail on the side.
Manger scene.

Corner cabinet in dining room....there are two of these.

Kitchen window.

Each window in the front has a candle as well as the side windows in dining room and kitchen window.

Didn't take pics of the front or the wreath on the door I made on the fly.  I'll take more in the daylight.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

First Annual Palmyra Turkey Trot

FOR ONE!!!!  

And I was the WINNER!!  With a time of 32:14.  Not my best ever time but I did it!  It was cold and a little windy but I did it.  Even took the dog on the first ever Thanksgiving Dog Trot!  He needed his walk and it was so cold that I just decided to run most of it rather than walk it.

Did all my baking last night -

I am responsible for the dressing - a special family dressing made with canned biscuits - hence the large red bowl filled with them setting out to 'dry out' a bit.  And rolls - all the foil wrapped packages.  I also have to take something to munch on before lunch and I tried to chose things that were healthier.  Fruit with the dip and veggies with dip and whole grain Doritos with a great corn salsa we got at Trader Joes.

Not overeating is going to be my goal!!  Easier said than done but I am going to try and load up on the veggies as much as possible before the other carby things.

Yesterday between baking I needed to make a couple thank you cards for gifts I received for my birthday so I did that between baking and then decided I was having so much fun doing it that I continued on.  These are the two thank you's I made. 

Made a great recipe for Pumpkin Bread - made 2 loafs and they were gone in a couple days!  The boys loved it!!!

Happy Thanksgiving - I have so many things to be thankful for I can hardly begin to list them.  Mainly, I am thankful Danny and I still have all our parents still with us!!!

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Bootie Challenge Points for today

Ran 3 miles = 3 pts
Walked the dog 20 min = 1 pt
Cleaned house = 1 pt ( this is a special add on according to the website for Thanksgiving)

5 pts today!

Cue the Monkees! I'm a Believer

"Now I'm a Believer"!

Yesterday I went on a disasterous run - no fuel and no water = bad run!

So this morning I made sure to take care of both of those and WHAT A DIFFERENCE!  I had a 1/4th of an Arnold Sandwich Thin with a teaspoon of PB and a little bit of jelly and had a small glass of water and set out to do 3 miles.  I can't even believe how good I felt for the majority of the run.  I took a different route starting with a gradual hill and then flatness where as my other run had a lot of hills at first and I was worn out quickly then struggled the rest of the run.

I didn't make my best avg pace but it was second best by 2 seconds!!  This really set the tone for the rest of my morning and felt so good!

Just got a new book.....
Thanks Amazon for the image!
I am not far at all in it but one thing the author did mention is 'are you willing to change something, not everything' and this spoke to me because I always feel like I am changing EVERYTHING and sacrificing so much just to eat better.  One of the biggest things for me - the bingeing - if I could not do that it would be half the battle!
My goal is to in the next few days brainstorm about things that I can change.  They gave an example of:
No fast food     -      get a kids meal
So instead of being really strict and saying NO fast food you can have a kids meal which would be less calories and fat. 
I like that way of thinking.  I need to make changes and this seems do-able for me.

Food today:
     1/3 c oatmeal made with soy milk and water, topped with pumpkin butter, almond butter, almond slivers and granola.
     Iced coffee with almond milk
     Egg salad (made with vegan mayo and grey poupon) on sprouted grain bread with lots of spinach. 
     6 carrot sticks
     Mini loaf of carrot cake with pumpkin spice cream cheese
     Piece of pumpkin bread with cream cheese
     2 pc of dark chocolate
Not sure about dinner yet.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Note to Self

Note to Self:
1.  If you are hungry before your run, eat something!!  Even just something little. 
2.  If you are thirsty before your run, drink some water!!

Was both of those things this morning before my run and I didn't do a thing about it.  I'm not sure if you are like me but there are a zillion steps I have to go thru in order to get out the door, so in the process of making sure I had everything just so, I forgot that I was hungry and thirsty until I was about 1/4 mile into my run.  Stomach growling, and mouth dry!!!  Lack of energy really showed in my time.  21:14.  Not my worst ever 2 mile but 2nd worse.
It was also windy on the way back so it was a double whamy!

I have not been sleeping well the last few nites.  One I was up till 4am after waking up about 1:30 then I was awakened last nite by the dog who HAD to go out.  And he did have to go. So I was wide awake after that.   He's been having issues and it was time to take him to the Vet today.  He had worms.....most likely from the few fleas we battled this summer.  $125 later, we hope that is solved and I can get some sleep.

                                                            He's pretty cute isn't he!
Lunch with Mom and Dad today at Pizza Hut they enjoy going to.  Had a salad so that was good and 2 slices of mushroom pizza.  Bad thing was Dad had made carrot cake (lucky he didn't put icing on mine!) and set along some of his chocolate covered pretzels and peanuts......sooooo good!

Today's food:
     1/3 c oatmeal with pumpkin butter, almond butter, small amount of slivered almonds and granola
     iced coffee with 1/2 c of almond milk (30 calories)
     Green salad with green olives, sunflower seeds, 2T of cheese, cottage cheese and ranch.
     2 slices mushroom pizza
     4 chocolate covered pretzels
     1 mini loaf carrot cake with pumpkin spice cream cheese
     4 chocolate covered peanut clusters
     Not sure yet because of how bad I was with the chocolate.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

What's it gonna be?

I am sitting up at 1:30am on Nov. 21 - which is my 49th birthday.  I was asleep but then in my usual way, I woke up for some reason and the brain starts moving and I can't get it shut off.
The topic of discussion in my brain this early morning is once again my lack of control over my eating and how out of control I feel.  It seems so daunting a has a hold on me for some reason right now and I can't seem to get away from it.  WHY???
I have to say I think I am probably at my all time heaviest altho I have not weighed myself in a few months, I am so afraid to what the scale would say.  I am running and have been kickboxing for the last 12 weeks but it's only been to slightly slow down what the scale would be telling me......I would probably be 10 lbs heavier if I hadn't been exercising but I still am putting on the weight. 
This really scares lack of ability to control this!!!  It really does and I feel helpless to do anything to make it stop.  It has always been that I can catch myself at the 'right time' and get things back on track but I have tried again and again and it just doesn't seem to be working.
I have done myself a disservice in many ways:
1.  Severly restricted what I will allow myself to, no carbs, no sugar, no fat etc.  This makes me want it even more and I find it's worse than ever before now.
2.  I have gone on many diets thinking that once I reach a certain goal I can go back to eating however I want.
3.  I binge on foods and don't make the effort to figure out why I do this.
4.  Food is comfort and also a reward.  My brain is really messed up here.
5.  I have 'talk bad' to myself when I mess up - telling myself I am stupid and a pig and I am weak because I can't seem to control this.
6.  I am extremely impatient and this plays against me....I think I should be making progress and when I realize I haven't made much then it sets me on a spiral. 

I have issues and I need to figure them out but I just don't seem to have a clue and how to do that.......I feel very overwhelmed and out of control right now. 
Happy 49th to me :(
When will I ever get this under control?  Where is my 'rock bottom' or ah-ha moment?

This HAS to be the year I wake up and make my health both physical and mental a priority.  I need to be committed to putting in the effort and time to get myself back on track.  I am past the half way point in the years I have left on this earth, what am I going to do with quality of life as these years go by needs to be the highest ever.

Looming questions:
1.  Why am I not happy?
2.  What does it take to get me to make my health a priority?
3.  Why do I have such a self-defeating attitude?
4.  Why am I so impatient and can't see the long-term goal?
5.  What stressful things in my life might be causing some of these issues?
6.  WHY DON'T I LIKE MYSELF???  This is the big one.....and I think the root to the entire problem.

I need to take this first day of my 49th year and really dwell on these issues and decide what the future will hold for me.

Happy 49 - make it the best year yet.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

"Comparison" Shopping

Today is the first day of the Bootie Challenge and I got out and ran my modest amount of miles at my usual turtle pace.  4 miles at 42:51:59.  Avg pace 10:43/mile. 
So I'm feeling pretty good that I beat my goal of trying to get in UNDER an 11:00/mile average for the entire run and that I kept going even tho my lower leg muscles (not the calf, the one on the front outside of leg) were crying for mercy. I was feeling OK for most of the run but tired at the same time.

I get home, load my times from my trusty Garmin into the computer and compare my times with previous days and paces then take the dog on a walk.
Come home to check out my blogs I like to read of other runners and this one had run 20 MILES this morning in 3 hours!!  20 FREAKIN MILES!!  And that was just a training run and all her times were in the 8's and 9's.  I am immediately feeling defeated......I could NEVER do that.....I can't even run ONE MILE at a pace faster than 10:14!!  And she ran her last mile....mile 19 to 20 in 8:43.  WTF???  I'm exhausted thinking about it!

So I'm in the shower lamenting my sorry state and reason flows over me and I immediately start putting things into perspective:

1.  I am going to be 49 tomorrow - she is probably mid to late twenties. (Still couldn't have run that fast in my 20's but it sounds good)
2.  I have just been running again (and it wasn't alot before) in July.  Time is a big component in speed (I think - or hope!)  She has run MANY marathons.
3.  She's 30 lbs lighter than me.......I have some to lose hence the running......
4.  She doesn't have hills - I have lots of hills here in the sticks.  Can you tell I'm makin this up as I go along?? LOL
5.  She eats better quality food than I.......I have a GREAT relationship with crappy food! Trying to improve this.
6.  Etc, Etc.......

Biggest thing I realized tho.......I AM NOT HER!  I AM ME!   And I need to give myself a little more credit for getting out there and doing it when it's 33 degrees outside and it would have been A LOT.....I mean A LOT easier to have just stayed in bed or in my chair watching the morning shows and drinking coffee!!  I'm doubtful that I will ever be that fast....even when I was running before I just didn't have the speed.  I did a half marathon in 2 hrs 20 min.......I'm not Speedy Gonzales!  And I will have to say that doing 4 miles in July would have been unheard of so I am making progress.  Purchasing something that tracks my progress has helped I am AWARE.

So the soon to be 49 year old is doing something that most 49 year old's don't don't COMPARE, BE HAPPY!!

Friday, November 19, 2010

Late to the Party!

In the words of Sam Seabourne (West Wing - our all time favorite show) "Let's forget the fact that you are coming a little late to the party and embrace the fact that you showed up at all"!

I have been hearing for WEEKS how wonderful pumpkin is - and I have made a few things with pumpkin (these were delicious and I actually made them vegan unintentionally - forgot the eggs!)

and am stockpiling it like all the other food bloggers are

But had yet to try Trader Joe's Pumpkin Butter which I have been hearing about non-stop for all these weeks.

So I was in St Louis, the closest TJ's to me now that I am in the sticks so I decided to put it on the list.  Didn't dig into it till I finished the homemade Apple Butter I bought at Taste of Palmyra.  My husband has a way of making a big deal about me not finishing things that I buy, so I was determined to not break into the TJ's Pumpkin Butter till I finished the other.  Well, I finished the apple butter yesterday with my oatmeal and was excited to break out the new butter this morning.

I love it!!!!!  I can taste what all the hype was about!  I think I will only be doing Pumpkin Butter from now on.

So I'm embracing the fact that I came to the party at all!!!  And I'm glad I made it!

Activity today:
2 miles running 20:24 - not my fastest time but did feel pretty good - temp 32 degrees!
Tomorrow starts the Booty Challenge!!

Food Today:
1/3 cup oatmeal with granola, almonds, Quaker Oat Squares, Pumpkin Butter and Almond Butter
Cream of Wild Rice and Mushroom Soup (leftover from last nite and AWESOME), small tortilla wrap with Almond Butter and apple slices, carrots
2 TJ's Oatmeal/Cranberry Dunkers

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Booty Buster Contest

I just signed up for this Holiday challenge!!!  This should keep me moving during the holiday and trying to stay on track.
One of my goals this week was to eat 3 squares.....I would often eat crap and not even be hungry for a regular meal.  Trying really hard to watch the veggies and fruits too.

On of the blogs I like to read daily has a challenge to not buy anymore food thru November and use what you have.  At first I thought......CAN'T DO THAT!  But as I really started thinking about it I have so much that I could use up.  So I'm up for it.  Went to Wal-Mart today and didn't buy ANY food and that is unusal for me!!

I'm jazzed about this booty challenge.....I like tracking things!!!

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Sunday stuff

After letting my knee rest since Thursday I decided to try my knee on a long run this morning.  It was the end of Daylight Savings so we got an extra hour sleep but it didn't do me much good because I was wide awake at 5:19am!!  Got up, ate something and iced knee and let the food settle and the sun come up.  Dressed and headed out for my run around 6:45.  Windy from the south so that was a bit of a challenge at times.  Just started running and had my new Forerunner so could just run and it would tell me how far I had gone.  Took a new route and made it up as I went.  Right lower leg tight for the first couple miles but like it usually does, it worked itself out.
Actually ran 7 miles!!!!
Took me 1 hour and 16 minutes.  Slow but like I said I had wind issues and I'm slower than dirt anyway!!  I had also told myself to just go out and have fun and don't push too hard because of my knee and not being sure how it would react.  It actually felt was getting tired when I was done tho but not a lot of residual pain tho.  Iced it when I got home.  Haven't figured out how to get my avg pace or what my laps were.  I'll be working on that.
Food log:
Before run - half a sandwich thin with natural PB and banana.
After run - 1/2 cup of oatmeal with almond butter, apple butter, chia seeds, granola and small sunflower cookie
Lunch - 1cup of Dad's slaw, and 1/2 cup of Yager green beans
             Dessert LF yogurt with 1/8 c of granola and 2 small TJoe's cookies
             3 small TJoe's cookies again......
Did yard work from noon till about 2:30.  Mowing, raking, picking up acorns.  Hardwork!!!

Not sure about dinner.....have some veggie chili that I will probably have.
Doing okay so far with food I think.


My niece will be getting married in December to Justin - wonderful guy!  Her sister Dana hosted a shower at their mom's (my older sister Sue) house.
Dana's theme for the shower was 'Awesome 80's' and you could dress up accordingly if desired.....I didn't desire!
There was really fun food.....all made by Dana.
There were games - which I participated in under derress!!!  I hate those shower games but we made the most of it.

Here's the bride in her beautiful toilet paper wedding dress - just stunning!

Sisters - me on the left (I am the middle child), Di (the youngest) in the middle, and Sue (the oldest) on the right.  And no, we are not all natural blondes!

Last weekend Di and I bought the very same shoes at the same time and low and behold, we worn them on the same nite!!

Jenna with her gift from me.  Dana her sister is right behind her with the red hair.

So did my strategy for not over-eating work?  Pretty much.
Here's what I ate:
Around 2:30 - 1/4 of a Think Thin bar that I purchased at Trader Joe's
Around 4pm - another 1/4 of the bar - was trying to not be starving when I got to the shower.
At the shower:
      2 small glasses of Sangria
      3 pac man cookies
      1 cupcake
      fresh fruit
      2 pieces of cheese pizza
Not too bad I didn't think.......normally I would have eaten tons more than that.

Saturday, November 6, 2010


Food Log:

Small tortilla with ~2T of FF refried beans, T of Mexican blend cheese.  Microwaved to melt and heat then rolled.
1/2 c of 'Dad's Coleslaw' with chickpeas.
1/2 of the PB&J sandwich T didn't finish.
And here's the kicker......I had just brushed my teeth so NONE of it tasted as good as it should have.  Maybe I need to be using that trick more often.

Afternoon plan........make sure I have something to snack on BEFORE I get to the shower because I will eat WAY too much if I don't.  Hoping to go to Trader Joe's in St Louis before the shower and maybe I can find something there like granola bars or something that would make a good snack.  I just know that when I am ravenous I get cranky AND will then just start eating everything in site!!

Dinner plan:  Not sure what they are having at the shower so need to be thinking portion size for sure!!!

Icing the Injury

I  have been dealing with a sore knee for the last couple weeks.  It's not bad and it really only hurts when I first step down on it but it really worries me that it could get worse.  After several days of doing nothing (I can be so dense at times!) I finally saw some blogging ramblings about how to lessen injury.  And it included ice on the knee!!! 

Duh on my part so I have started putting the ice on many times a day and haven't run (it's kind of killin me!) since Thur morning.  I really wanted to do a long run this morning but it hurt when I stepped out of bed so decided to give it a little more time.

Did walk the dog this morning for a couple miles and it didn't feel too bad but I had also just iced it. Icing it now after the walk too.  I am trying to be patient so it doesn't turn into something worse but it's really hard when you get this in the mail and want to try it out!!!

For now it will have to wait.  Maybe tomorrow and not a long one just a short one!

Food log:

1/2 c oatmeal cooked in 1 c of almond milk. Stirred in a few slivered almonds, one sunflower cookie, T of apple butter, T natural PB and chia seeds.  SOOOO good and it always sticks with me quite a while.

Just had 3 whoppers - T had dug them out of his Halloween candy and I couldn't resist - altho I should.

Not sure what lunch will be.....maybe a small tortilla with FF refried beans, cheese and some lettuce.

Heading to St Louis.  My niece is having a wedding shower.
And Nephew is running in State Cross Country as a FRESHMAN!!!!  Awesome!  He smokes my butt in time so bad it's not even funny!  Have a mentioned I am a SLOW runner???  At least I am out there doing it right?

Tuesday, October 26, 2010


It's been a hectic couple days! Hence the lack of posting.

Since our move to a small town in north east MO, we have been working on meeting people and becoming involved in the community.  My husband manages a business in town and joined the Chamber of Commerce.  When they were asking for volunteers to help plan an annual event called Taste of Palmyra he said I would love to do that.  So in August I began going to meetings where we began the planning of this event.  It has been a blast and what a GREAT way to meet people!  I have gotten connected with some wonderful people in these last few months and they have made me feel very much a part of the process.  I helped with registration of the food and craft vendors and also set up and maintained the Taste of Palmyra Facebook page.
Last nite was the big event.  The committee started at Breadeaux, the local pizza place at noon for lunch (I ate before I went so as to control what I ate - pat on the back!) then split out to do all our jobs.  Michelle and I took care of marking off the vendor spaces down main street.  I had sidewalk chalk and marked the 10ft space and wrote the name.  My legs were killing me this morning!!
The vendors started rolling in around 2pm so we checked them in and Michelle did some trouble-shooting as the afternoon went along.
This year we had more food and craft vendors than last year and the weather was perfect. 80 degrees!!  Once 5pm hit, the people started to show, and they just kept coming.

Kids dressed up for the Kids Parade and got candy from the downtown businesses.  I got the biggest kick out of this family!!!
My husband's work even had a booth and were really surprised how much they sold.  They gave away free dog food samples!
Palmyra has a restored Federal Prison from the Civil War and they had it open for a 'Spooky Walk'.  VERY COOL!
Stayed afterward to help the other committee members clean up.  Such fun hanging with the committee - we were all excited and on a 'high' because it was so successful!!
Now I have been recruited to help with 'Christmas in Palmyra'!  Lovin my new home town.


Post 6.2 mile run on Sunday morning.

Post Monday morning run.  Starting in eating oatmeal again in the mornings.  I used to be a huge oatmeal fan but I ate the instant stuff and didn't add anything hearty into it so it didn't last long during the morning.  After reading several blogs (see the side bar) there are many runners that eat oatmeal every morning but they add things in it.  This has almonds, apple butter (homemade from a vendor at Taste of Palmyra) peanut butter and raisins and this really fills me up!!

Didn't run this morning because my feet were still hurting and I was exhausted from my long day yesterday. 

Sunday, October 24, 2010

I am what I eat!

This just doesn't seem to sink in with me!  I know that 80% off weight loss and how you look is nutrition and the food you put in your body.  Why can't I get that?

This morning was my long run day.  I did 6.2 miles and felt really good.  The first couple miles were tough.  My front leg muscles (forgot the technical name for it) started cramping up and so they were tight till about 3 miles then I was feeling pretty good!  Rocked out the rest and recovered quickly.  I think I go in to sort of like a trance because when I was thinking about my run later in the day I have a hard time remembering details.

So anyway, I do my run, take the dog on a walk and change clothes after showering.  The compression type shorts I wear have a tag sewn in so that rubbed during my run so I was looking at it in the mirror with these knit pants on and I was like WHOA...............Dang!  Then I turn to the side and I'm like "you are a fat pig"!  Really.......I look at myself in the mirror and am so disappointed.  I just ran 6.2 miles and have been running for 4 months and this is what I look like?????  WTF!  My first feeling was 'give up''s too much work to make it be like this.....why bother.  But then I also tried to realize that it won't happen in a day BUT mostly I finally started thinking about how the food I was eating (really crappy and tooo much) was the real issue.  So today when I was tempted with things food wise, I said to myself, You are what you eat.  It makes me stop and think a little and remember that image looking back at me.  Why do I go thru all the effort and work to run like I do and then put terrible things for me in my mouth???

My hope and prayer is that this phrase will continue to mean something to me every day!

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Why does it rain on Saturday?

When I first started running about 3 months ago I remember thinking I wanted it to rain in the morning so it would keep me from having to go out and run.  Now, it's raining this morning and it was to be my 'long' run for the week (6 miles) and I am actually missing it!!  I have resolved that today is my rest day and I will do 6 miles in the morning - which is okay.  But it's funny what running or exercise can do to you!  You HATE it at first then if you can stay with it you become sort of 'addicted' and enjoy the 'exhaution'.  For me I always will not last forever and the end results are positive. 

Dinner last nite was pretty hasty.  I had run errands all day and was zoning out in my chair with my computer and all the sudden it's time for dinner and to go to the football game.  Had a salad with chick peas, black beans and mixed greens and a Morning Star Griller on an Arnold Multi-grain Sandwich thin.  Didn't get a pick except for the leftovers in the fridge for the salad.

Here's breakfast.....

And here's how I have been working on portion control.  The white bowl was my old portion the clear one is my new cereal bowl.

Most of the running/eating blogs I now love to follow talk about eating oatmeal every morning.  I did oatmeal for YEARS and loved it, still do but it never seemed to stay with me that long or give me much 'fiber' benefit.  I keep thinking I need to try it again and I do notice they put many additional ingredients on or in their bowl.  Maybe the PB (peanut butter) and add ins are the things that keep the 'staying power'.

Today we make a trip to 'the city'.  I need a new pair of running shoes - more on that later. And we want to reconnect with some of our dear friends from there. 

Friday, October 22, 2010


Had a good run this morning..... this time I pushed really hard to make it under 33 minutes at the very end and thought I was going to get sick right on the side of the road.  I had been telling myself from the beginning of my run that I needed to be making up those 2 seconds early on when I felt good instead of pushing myself so hard at the end when I don't have much left anyway!  Thought I was doing that......BUT I get a block away and I pull out my iphone and check my time.  I have like 30 seconds till 33 minutes so I'm thinking "no problem" but then the mileage was slightly off so I had to run about a half block further to get to 3.1 miles which pushed me over the 33!!  DANG, DANG!!  And I had pushed myself so hard that last block that I literally would have puked if I had had something in my stomach!  I have had that issue before when I was running some 5K's in my younger days.  So I don't know if it's the physical pushing or if it's all in my head!

This was breakfast:

Alittle dark chocolate with my PB!

And this is Bing-Lee telling me it's his turn!

This was dinner last nite.  No, it's not good that it is so processed!  I will try to make my own next time.  It can't be that hard.

Hubbie has a 'to-do' list for me, which is totally fine by me....all fun things.  Went to Quincy this morning, and to Mexico this afternoon.  T is out of school today so he is along for the ride.
BTW.....T had an EXCELLENT teacher conference last nite.  Made the A honor roll!!!  All A's except 2 B+'s and those he had brought up from a B- and a B.  Love that kid!!  

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Photos up and running

Got my new SD card today so I can now post photos!
No breakfast shot....pre-WalMart but I had my usual bowl of Bran Flakes with Almond Milk.
Mid morning snack of WholeGrain toast with PB.

I WAS BAD again!  Ran my errands, in a wonderful happy mood, then to WalMart.  Made the mistake of even walking into the bakery area.  Bought 3 individual least I didn't buy an entire dozen (not sure that is truly something I should pat myself on the back about!).  Ate them all.  Not hungry but wanted sugar???? Really don't know!  Need to work on that one.

Did have a healthy lunch and here's a picture to show.
Whole Wheat tortilla with fat free refried beans, brown rice, black beans, chick peas, and lettuce. 

These are new......thought they were going to be incredibly addictive but they are okay.....nothing fabulous like I thought so they will be a nemisis but not too bad.

Saw Rachel Ray Show this morning. She had the host of a show about people who they called 'Freaky Eaters'.  One guy ate nothing but cheeseburgers morning, noon and nite.  Another lady was addicted to chocolate/sugar.  THAT I could relate to.  She said she basically just avoids it and never has it.  They were on a show on TLC called Freaky Eaters.   Just like this morning when I had to do the donut thing when I wasn't even hungry.  I feel I am definitely addicted...just not sure if it should be cold turkey or if I should learn to 'deal' with it and show some discipline.

Got a call for a job interview today at 4pm.  We'll see.......

Forgot to say, I did my run this morning.  I missed coming in under 33 minutes by 2 seconds!!!  2 measly seconds!!  I was so mad.  I need to come up with something where I can check my time better.  I have my nike+ app on my iphone which tells me that info but I keep in tucked in my wind-breaker inside pocket so there is no 'quick view' to check and see how I am doing without pulling it out of the pocket. 
This is what I really want but am not ready to breakdown and pay the money yet....maybe if I get a job I can do it then.

That's a crappy pic but you get the idea.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Before It's Too Late

Today is National Love Your Body Day.  Well, that's a tough one for me!  But, I will give it a shot because yes, there are things that I can love about my body.

1.  I have killer legs from the knee down! (This is supposed to be positive stuff so I won't mention my thighs!) I love my small ankles!
2.  I can run up to 6 miles without stopping to walk.
3.  I rarely get sick!  Not even a cold so I have an awesome immune system.
4.  I wake up most everyday feeling good - it's actually almost unbearable for me when I don't feel good.
5.  I have pretty hazel eyes.
6.  I have aged relatively well.
7.  I have a brain that is actually smarter than I give it credit for.  4.0 in my Masters program.
8.  I have a lot of energy and stamina.  I move fast all the time.

That is all I can think of right now......I'm sure the list would be longer if it was what you didn't like.
This was interesting for me because I usually don't think of the positive, I focus on 'what I am NOT, not what I am too often.
Someone on another blog said they were proud of their flaws, because they made her unique.  I like that!  I don't embrace the flaws at all...they glare at me.
I will not be able to conquer my food issues till I embrace who I really am......big thighs and hips included.  I know being thin will not make me happy so I press on trying to accept what I am and enjoy it before it's too late!

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Forgotten links

I'm having a hard time remembering to put the links to the blogs I am talking about in my posts. 

Here's some of the ones I have referred to:
Intuitive Eating
Eating Before Working Out

Thanks to these wonderful bloggers for helping me get started and motivated to try to conquer my food issues.  Most all of them have been less healthy than they currently are at some point in time so it motivates me to think I can be more than I am.

Tailbone Tales

By the end of kickboxing class last evening my tailbone was again killing me!  It started last week, I think after our class on Thursday nite and was finally much better until class.  It has to be the sit ups we are doing.....the nite it first started hurting we did like 30 of them in a row and periodically thru out class.  Didn't notice it till we started stretching out at the end and I could barely sit!  I will be abstaining from situps at the next class...

On to other things.  Started out the morning lovely.  I have been seeing on some of the blogs I am following that many runners eat BEFORE they run and they eat PB&bananas alot.  I don't eat before I run and have begun to wonder if this is a detrement (sp?).  I roll out of bed about 6:15 in the dark, put on some clothes and head out.  Not sure if a full stomach would sit well for me.  I may have to give it a try or do more research on this topic.  ANYWAY.....I had a PB&J sandwich AFTER my run and I have to say, I have never been a big PB&J sandwich eater but they are REALLY GOOD....maybe too good.  Came back from walking T to school and continuing on with Bing-Lee (the Shar-Pei) for his morning exercise.  Had a smaller bowl of Bran Flakes then showered and headed out to shop. 
Here is where the train goes off the track.  I was going along, making smart food choices at Walley World and I am close to being done and the the sweets/bakery area is calling my name.  What do I do but pick up a box of donut holes and then eat half of it on the way home.  THIS IS WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT WITH THE FOOD ISSUES!!  I was not even hungry but something was pulling me to those donuts.  This is what I have to fix.  Needless to say, I was stuffed and had no room for a healthy lunch option at home. 

I'm going to go research the eating before a run thing and see if I can decide if that will be a benefit or not.  I ran this morning 33:32.....I want to steadily get this down but I was faster yesterday than today.  Maybe it was the rest day in between?????
Anyway, nike+ tells me I'm at the orange level because now I have run total over 61 miles!!
I will start posting photos because words all by themselves are boring......need to get a new SD card.
Slow and steady right?

Monday, October 18, 2010

Intuitive Eating

As I mentioned in my last post, I am really going to try and get my relationship with food straightened out.  I have been reading several blogs of ladies who run and work to eat healthy food.  I found a reference to this book in this blog.  I have done nothing but diet and stress about food for years.  I never got to the point of being bulimic or anorexic but I have tried every diet out there it seems like.  Weight Watchers (which was the most successful but when I wasn't 'honest' with my food journaling, everything fell apart and I have tried to get that back without success each time) Atkins, Zone, Sugar-Busters, Medifast and on and on and on!

I'M DONE!!!  I so want to be done!!

The blogger in the above mentioned blog talked about her years of unhealthy relationships with food and talked about how this is making a difference in her life so I decided to make a very small investment in the book and see if I can make some changes in the way I view food.

This morning I started out good, like I normally do.  Ran 3.1 miles and my pace was in the 9's each mile but ended up at an avg pace of 11 something......what's up with that but that's another post for another day!  Came home feeling good and had a 'smaller bowl' (remember I am trying smaller portions) of cereal
and drank a glass of water (again, a goal of mine to drink more water) and the wheels went off the cart about 11am.  Got out the wheat Thin crackers and started snacking.  Why?  I wasn't hungry....bored is my thought.  Started cleaning house rest of morning then fixed some Teriaki Noodles for lunch/dinner - have kickboxing tonight so can't eat too close to that so eat a late lunch or very early dinner. Felt like baking something (probably just wanted some sugar that would come in acceptable vegan form) and ate 2 vegan, chocolate chip scones and was STUFFED!!  Once again, eating when I am not hungry.....soooo frustrating.

I need to get in touch with eating only when I am hungry.  I do know that portions again play into this because when I eat too big a portion then I am not hungry again for several hours (doesn't stop me from eating!) so when I think it's 'the time' to eat I can't pass it up.  For instance.....I eat a big lunch and am not hungry when T and Hubbie sit down to eat but I think I have to eat too.....can't miss the opportunity to eat!!  And for some reason I think there will not be an opportunity to eat again.......

Not sure this vegan thing is going to work......I have sooo much gas and bloating I can hardly stand it.  I 'stink' all the time.  Not sure what to do but that's a post for another day.

Hope to have a good kickboxing hour!

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Eating - trying to get it right!

In June T and I joined hubbie/dad in our new location.  For more months that I would like to count I thought when I was able to leave the job that I hated everything would be great in the eating dept.  I am a stress eater, I am a happy eater, I am a console myself for a bad day eater, I am a reward myself for a great accomplishment eater, I am a I love to eat eater.  Because I disliked my job so much I attributed much of my eating issues to that unhappiness.  Little did I know, just leaving the job wouldn't solve anything.  And I have to say in the back of my mind I knew that!!
So I get to our new location, on 'sabatical' and carefree.  Sooooo happy to not have to work nights, weekends or holidays any longer.  I had been pretty disciplined for the last several months before the move, doing the Atkins diet and feeling good eating less food.  For the first couple weeks I was kept busy with settling in and doing things around the house.  I decided that since I would not be getting the same number of steps each day since my retail job kept me on the move all day long, I would need to start exercising more.  I got up at 5:45am and would walk for at least 45 mintues each day.  Then I would take the dog on at least a 30 minute walk at least once a day sometimes 2 times.  Feeling good about the additional exercise I started gradually eating more food and breaking the 'no carb' rule.  This has happened to me so many times I can't count.  It is SOOOOO frustrating that I can't nail this.

I AM A BINGE EATER.  If I am incredibly disciplined and 'in the zone' I can resist the pull of sugar and carbs but that zone only lasts so long.  I have issues with food and I really am not sure why.

Around 2 months ago I decided I should consider becoming a vegan.  I have always been an animal lover but feel that truly the most important component was the health benefits.  Living in a small town doesn't give me the countless options for eating a vegan diet that St Louis would have so I 'tested' it out for a few weeks by just being vegetarian and seeing what vegan options were there.  It seemed like it was going to be too hard but then the egg plant salmonela thing happened and I saw some pretty terrible images from chicken farms so decided I would cut out the eggs and dairy.  Plus, the absence of cholestorol because no dairy is a huge plus.

In the mean time, I started running shortly after I started my walking.  I worked myself up to being able to run 3 miles without stopping by July but the wheels had fallen off the truck as far as eating.  I also was kickboxing for 60 minutes 3 times a week.  With all that exercise, you would think I would be stick thin by October for my 30 yr reunion but noooooo  I hadn't lost a thing and had gained.  Atribute that to such a poor diet.  Just goes to show you can be vegan and still over-weight!

I am 48, soon to be 49 and not incredibly over-weight.  My doctor never says anything to me about needing to lose weight so I consider myself to be fairly normal but I am borderline 'clinically obese'.  At 5'4" I don't have a whole lot of height to balance out the 150 and change weight I carry.  I am not happy in my skin.  I don't feel healthy and most of the time I feel bloated and pudgy.  Putting clothes on each day is not any fun. I put them on and shake my head that I am running everyday but still can't fit or feel comfortable in size 14 things.

This blog I hope will help me work thru these issues that I have.

Here are some guidelines I need to try and follow:

1.  Portion control - this is such an issue.  Recently I have started following some blogs of runners I stumbled on and they post pics of what they eat and it hit me like a ton of bricks.....they running more than I am on a daily basis and they are eating much smaller portions than I am.  Got to adjust.

2.  Moderation - there are so many things I like to eat I really don't want to 'ban' things from my diet.  I need to learn how to control and not have the emotional issues with said food items that makes me binge on them.

3.  Keep moving and training to get faster and more comfortable with longer runs.  Goal of another half marathon in the spring?

4.  Embrace water and make it my friend.  I can't lie......I hate water except for when I am hot and sweaty then ice cold water tastes good but I have to choke it down otherwise.  Goal:  try and find other alternatives that I like but can get me the water I need.

Enough for now.....I'm exhausted! 
I'm going to bed to read. More tomorrow!

Saturday, October 16, 2010

A beautiful day in the neighborhhod

Yesterday I decided I would try to run my 3.1 mile route twice.  I mauled it over in my head for quite awhile trying to decide should I run a different route to try and make it be longer or should I just run my normal circle twice.  After much deliberation I decided to run my route twice. In the past when I didn't know how far I was going I spent the entire time wondering how far I was to my goal, this way I know approximately where I am in the 6 mile goal.

The morning was beautiful, not to cold not too hot so I was ready to go.  Started off and the first half mile I was really wondering if I set my goal too high.  My legs felt tired (I had tried my hardest to run my 5K route as fast as I could and each mile was in the 9 minute area but it was hard!) so I was worried I set this higher goal on the wrong day.  After about a mile and a half I settled in and started to feel better.  The wonderful thing about running is I am all the sudden half way thru or ending and I can barely remember the middle....kind of like all the sudden forget about the bad when you are at the end! 

Was feeling pretty good when I got to the point where I started the next 'lap'.  The second 'lap' surprised me in regard to how good I actually felt!  I ran till my nike+ told me it was 6 miles which was probably about 5 blocks from the house (had to add some to my normal route to make it be 6 miles).  Stopped and took this picture which is AWFUL of me.  I look at these other running blogs and these ladies look the same at the end of a marathon as they do at the first.  I look like an old woman who is dying!! LOL  I need to learn how to take a better picture to commemorate these milestones!

The picture will have to come later....can't seem to find where I saved it!

Here's my time according to Nike+.  
6.01 Miles
1:09:51 time
11:36 Avg pace
668 calories burned

My avg pace was slow BUT better than I thought it would be. It ended up being not that different than my daily 5K pace.  I was allowing myself to go as slow as needed just so I could finish the 6 miles WITHOUT stopping!  And I did it and did it faster than I thought I would.  So I would say it was a success!!

Got home and the dog was whining at me saying 'It's my turn now!'  He didn't care if I had run 3 or 6 miles, he knew the routine and it was his time to go!  Changed clothes on top because it would be very cold walking in those wet clothes.  Took him on his normal route then back home.

Decided this would be the perfect morning to try a tofu scramble recipe from Vegan with a Vengence.  Took about 20 minutes to make but it was good.  Again, I had a picture but can't find where it is.  Will show it tomorrow.  It definitely has a different flavor than regular scrambled eggs but I thought it was tasty.....I will tweek the spices alittle more to my liking next time.  Also had a Morning Star Farms sausage patty.  Again, it was the first time for these.  Good but I think would be better with something besides the spices in the scramble.  They didn't compliment each other well.

Today we go to a winery in Ursa, IL for some relaxation with some of Danny's friends from Edina.  Should be fun. 

The rest of my day will go well knowing I accomplished this goal this morning.  As I was finishing up I was thinking, you can run for over an hour without stopping and have the discipline to do this but you can't get your eating in order?  Yes, you can!

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Navigating the friend scene

In the city we lived in a subdivision but there were not a ton of kids around us.  Tanner was in the same class with a kid about 4 doors down for the first 3 years but they were sooooo different, they really didn't like playing together and then there was the over the top ADHD kid that would come play with Tanner only when he couldn't find someone else to play with and they usually ended up fighting.  Thus, we really didn't have a revolving door of kids in and out of the house. 
Well, the party (for me, no noise and chaos) ends for me.  We live 'in town' and there are kids over everyday.  Don't get me wrong, that's what I wanted for him BUT and it's a big BUT (no, not my big butt!) I am not used to all the things that come along with that.
1.  Both his current friends in the neighborhood are named Brady! What the......  So I affectionatly call them the Brady bunch. One (we'll call him Brady 1) is several years younger than Son and Son liked playing with him at first but then Brady 1 started to show his stripes in Son's eyes.....lying about things and wanting to dominate so Son sort of 'hides' from him.....yes, that's the brave thing to do, but he probably learned that from me! LOL  Brady 2 is the same age as Tanner and seems to be a good kid but his mom thinks Son is too loud and won't let him come over there.  So once Husband talked me down from that mad incident I realized it's better to have them here anyway because I know what they are playing and doing.  Brady 2 took Son over there the day to play and Son comes back saying Brady couldn't play because he had to dust the furniture.................I just had to laugh that was so rediculous.  Told Husband the next time Brady 2 came over and asked to play I was going to tell him that Son had to sort his underwear drawer!!
2.  I have no idea how these parents discipline their kids and sort of wonder if they do!!  Son is currently over at a new friends house and new friend has a sword and dagger (Son says there are real) and I'm trying not to freak I going to get a call that one of those 'accidents' happened????  I don't know why I worry so but I do.  Took new friend to the pool with us yesterday and felt like I spent the entire time watching how he was causing trouble.  Am I too high strung and this is 'BOY' stuff or is he really a brat.  Husband really needs to be around for some of those situations so I can get his opinion.  He is much more grounded and practical about these things.....
3.  They can't shut doors!  We have a door that goes onto our sun porch which is where the Brady bunch usually comes in - Brady 1 just walks right in the house - have to keep the door locked! Anyway, the boys have been told numerous times to shut that door and it never happens.
4.  I stress about whether he is picking 'good or bad' friends.   Hanging with the wrong person right off the bat gets you branded in a small town.  What I keep telling myself is, the jocks and big people in school were not necessarily the ones who made anything of themselves so being different might not be such a bad thing....look at Bill Gates!
5.  What if you don't care that much for the parents of the friends?  New Friend's mom I think wants to cling to me and I'm just not that interested.  I don't need a lot of friends and I spend my time worrying more about Tanner having friends rather than me.  I don't like a ton of chit chat and would rather spend time doing what I want to do like reading or knitting than talking about trivial things with someone.  Occasional friend things is good but I don't need close friends.  I'm much happier with acqaintances.  Am I a snob?????

So I go back at 4pm to pick up Tanner.....hope he's in one piece.  Take a deep breath and say a big long prayer!
And here's a picture just because I think posts are best with pictures!
Son's favorite food!